Moving On
by Rachel Snape17
Summary: Cole has been dead for two weeks, but Phoebe hasn't moved on yet. Will she ever admit to her feelings, or will they rip her apart? Another one of my tributes to Cole


Summary: This takes place soon after Centennial Charmed. It focuses on Phoebe's feelings for Cole, and eventually her reconciliation with his death.  
  
Author's Notes: This is yet another of my tributes to Cole, in the hopes of providing some sort of closure for his fans, since the show failed horribly in that area. He will not be coming back in this fanfiction as he has in my others, at least not for more than a few minutes or something. I haven't forgotten my other stories; I just felt the need to do a fic like this. Hope you all enjoy it, please review and give me feedback, it makes me so excited to see a review sitting in my email inbox when I check it. Also, please know that my updating is rather erratic- I can go three weeks without an update if I'm super busy, or update the next day if I'm in a creative mood. I've tried giving myself deadlines to stick to, but I've found that it only makes my writing feel rushed and second-rate.  
  
Copyright: I do not own Charmed or anything having to do with Charmed. This means that I don't own Phoebe or Cole, though I wish I did, because then I'd have created a more suitable ending for them than what was presented in Centennial Charmed.  
  
Moving On  
  
Chapter 1: Self-Denial  
  
Phoebe Halliwell lay in her bed, sunlight beginning to stream through her windows. She was staring up at the ceiling, her gaze distant. On closer inspection, one might notice the tearstains on her cheeks, or the way her eyes were still slightly red and puffy from crying. Of course, if anyone had questioned Phoebe about this, she would vehemently deny that she'd been crying at all.  
  
Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Paige had returned from the alternate reality. Two weeks since Cole had died, since she'd last heard his voice, since she'd last seen his face. And in those two weeks Phoebe had cried more times than she could count. Every night for two weeks she'd woken up at least once during the night gasping from nightmares. Of course, neither Piper nor Paige knew about this; Phoebe had been very careful to hide it from them. The last thing she wanted right now was their pity, the last thing she wanted was for them to try and cheer her up when all she wanted to do was curl up and die.  
  
They still thought that she hated Cole, that she was glad he was gone. Phoebe was content to further that image, and after a few days Cole's name became a sort of taboo word in the Manor. Besides, with Piper's pregnancy nearing its end no one wanted to dwell on memories riddled with pain and betrayal.  
  
She did hate him, of course. Phoebe knew that she hated Cole, hated the way he'd betrayed them all, the way he'd lied to her. She hated the way she'd trusted him with her heart, only to have him shatter it and leave her to pick up the pieces. The Charmed One did indeed hate the Balthazar in Cole, the part that had ultimately destroyed them.  
  
But as much as she fought against the emotion, Phoebe was aware that she also still loved him. She loved Cole Turner, the man whose gaze could make her go weak in the knees. She loved the way she'd always felt so safe and warm in his embrace, how he held her when she cried on his shoulder.  
  
Cole Turner was the man she had agreed to marry, the man who she'd wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Balthazar was the demon who'd torn them apart, who had turned her child evil and tried to kill her family. They were both one in the same, two sides of the same coin.  
  
For the hundredth time, Phoebe wondered what would have happened if Cole had remained mortal instead of taking his powers back once more. Maybe they'd be living happily together now, maybe they'd be raising a child, maybe. . .  
  
"No." The word seemed to hang with finality in the air. Phoebe sat up, a determined expression on her face. Cole was gone now, and she couldn't change that. She shouldn't want to, it was wrong. Cole had hurt her so many times now- she didn't know if her heart would ever be whole again. If he were still alive, he'd just betray her again; he's just hurt her with his lies and half-truths.  
  
Even as Phoebe tried to convince herself that she was better off with Cole dead, a part of her insisted just as loudly that he had been her soul mate, that they had been, as Cole put it: meant to be.  
  
The Charmed One closed her eyes briefly, trying to push away her thoughts. Cole was gone, and that was all there was to it. There would be no more second chances, and he wouldn't be coming back from the dead this time. Phoebe rolled out of her bed and slowly began to get dressed.  
  
"Morning Phoebs." Piper was sitting at the kitchen table with Paige, a mug of hot coffee in front of the two. "Sleep well?"  
  
"Of course." Phoebe lied quickly, feeling a bit guilty as she did. She didn't want to dwell on her sleeping patterns, so she turned the question back to Piper. "How about you?"  
  
"Leo didn't get back until four in the morning, and that's about when the morning sickness kicked in." Piper grimaced, and Phoebe noticed the dark shadows under her eyes. "I don't know if I can put up with another month of this, especially when a certain someone is barely around any more." As Piper said this she looked up at the ceiling and glared unhappily.  
  
"Oh honey, you know Leo would rather be spending time with you and the baby." Paige tried to assuage Piper's stormy mood, but it didn't seem to work that well when Piper merely mumbled something about 'stupid freakin' Elders' and went back to nursing her coffee.  
  
As if on cue, a swirl of blue lights entered the kitchen, coming together to form the familiar figure of the Charmed One's Whitelighter. He had orbed in next to Piper, and bent down to give her a kiss on the cheek; she turned away. Leo looked hurt. "What's wrong, Piper?"  
  
"Where were you last night?" There was a definite accusatory tone to Piper's voice as she turned her steely gaze to her husband. Leo started to answer, but his voice seemed far away to Phoebe. Leo and Piper's arguments had been growing more heated and more frequent lately, and though she'd never say it out loud, Phoebe sometimes wondered if they'd make it through the birth of their child. But then, as Piper had so tactfully put it: their child was an angel; Phoebe's had been a demon.  
  
Phoebe hadn't let Piper see how much those words had hurt her- she knew that her older sister meant them in a light-hearted way, as a joke, but anything concerning Cole had long since lost all humor for the Charmed One. With Piper's pregnancy, Phoebe was constantly reminded of the one she had lost; the child she had carried which Cole - no, Balthazar- had turned evil while it was still in her womb. The pain from that particular memory was still fresh. Phoebe could still remember how she'd felt when she'd discovered that the potion she'd been drinking was slowly transforming both her and her baby evil; that she was merely a vessel to carry the spawn of evil growing inside of her.  
  
It wasn't that Phoebe resented Piper or her child; no, it was her hope that her sister's pregnancy was as simple and safe as possible. Subconsciously, Phoebe felt the need an urgent need to protect this new child, as she had been unable to save her own. She didn't want to fail again; she didn't want Piper to go through what she had.  
  
"Phoebs? Phoebe, hello?" Phoebe came out of her daze to find Leo, Piper, and Paige all staring at her. She blinked her eyes a few times, shaking her head slightly to clear away her thoughts.  
  
"Sorry Piper, my brain isn't really working yet." Phoebe faked a smile, hoping her sister would accept the explanation for her inattentiveness.  
  
Piper raised an eyebrow, giving Phoebe a look. "Uh-huh, yeah. Listen, Phoebe, you've been acting kind of off lately, is there anything you want talk abou-"  
  
"Oh, would you look at the time? I'm going to be late for work. See you guys later!" Phoebe grabbed her coat and was out the door before either her sisters or Leo could say another word. On her way to work, she tried to tell herself that nothing was wrong, that she wasn't hiding anything from them. There was nothing to hide- she loved Cole, then he decided to become evil, and now he was dead. End of story.  
  
But if that were really true, then why couldn't Phoebe get him out of her mind? Why did everything remind her of Cole somehow? Why did she keep waking up in the middle of night, gasping for air and wanting to call out his name?  
  
Phoebe closed her eyes briefly, blocking out the questions that were filtering through her mind, because she was afraid to face what the answers might be. 


End file.
